To face everybody, to not letting people to know the feeling I felt, I need to wear mask on. I hid my feeling. So, did Ruling. When we were both together alone, our feeling showed. We whispered, we showed fucking sad faces, we shared.

I wanted to share, but I don't want to share.

Do you get what I mean? FAK up!

I text ruling: I wanted to cry but there is no tears.

I text ruling telling her that I'm numb.

I don't feel like talking, neither smiling. Hell NO!

It's just like an ant finally spotted a melting sweet on the floor. The other ants come one by one and sooner all the ants gather together to share the sweet.

Same like my mood. Once I felt down because of a problem, and then sooner later, all the sad things included previous/history appeared.

WTF!

I hope I'll be onced spotted and being told," I have my eye on you, sweetie."

And now, I seriously feel the tears. But I don't wish to cry.

Crying makes me suffer.

... Do not ask